i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
