I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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