So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
bring money and cleavage
My ATM looks so different sober.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
