I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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