I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
