Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
