I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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