So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
