Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
