He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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