OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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