What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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