y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
