I wish I could punch you in the face.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
