It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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