He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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