I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
