Already got asked if we're dating
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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