Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
