me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
