I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
