she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
