is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
