I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
