I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
