god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
