oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
