So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize