The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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