wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
