How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
