im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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