This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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