he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
