Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
