the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize