I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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