What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
