Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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