I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I touched a dick in church today
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