East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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