if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
