paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
