You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
