i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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