Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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