There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
