my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
