Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
