dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
