So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
