so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
