My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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