Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
