Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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