you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
