I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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