I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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