Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
