if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
