I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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