He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
