I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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