can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
