using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
