The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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