he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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