Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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