ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
