i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
