No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
