can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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