that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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