i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
