Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You took a bar mat shot.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
