Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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