i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
