I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
