What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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