god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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