What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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