I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
